Middle-Aged Affairs and Hope for the Familial Unit as It Pertains to the Stagnation of U.S. Politics
by Bryan Cain
Anthony Weiner, the weiner-tweetin’ New York senator, is just another celebrity who the Digital Age kicked in the ass. Dick shows his dick, Weiner, his weiner and Nancy Vagina shows her… you guessed it. Another Baby Boomer affair. The generation that preaches traditional values and sanctity of marriage f—s up another one. They just weren’t ready for the digital age, when everything goes public; your info, your privacy, your life. How could they have been? There is, however, hope for the familial unit, – I use that term as broadly as possible – and that’s my generation. Who are we…? The Millennials. We don’t care about the familial unit as the Baby Boomers do, we know the familial unit will be fine, we’d like to focus on our people, our country and our world.
It’s easy to cheat these days. AshleyMadison.com is a dating website for married people. Not to find another dude for your threesome this weekend, but to have an affair. Behind your partner’s back. The baby boomers weren’t ready for the convenience of the internet. And so they try it, maybe accidentally, maybe ‘cause they’re a scumbag.
Then the Baby Boomers weren’t ready for another thing… the public. Sex tapes, nipples slips, panty peeps, camel toes, dick pics, lipstick, tampon strings, no make-up, too much make-up, the right amount of make-up. Anything can be news. We talked about Brett Favre’s weiner for months.
The Millennials are ready. We’re fortifying our love and home relationships with words. The majority of users at reddit.com/askreddit thought that communication between partners is on the rise. The reddit community represents a diverse collective of minds: old and young, white and black, rich and poor. The Millennials are communicating more with our peers through sites like Facebook and Twitter and Reddit. Even our parents get to comment on every single thing we post. This ability to receive, acknowledge and accept-freely our friends and family’s ideas strengthens our bond. It will allow us to raise happy, healthy families. Your grandkids!
That’s why we’re frustrated and here it gets political. There’s no communication. The parties stand with their backs together and their arms crossed. As China takes over the world – (and I, for one, welcome our Chinese overlords. Ni Hao.) – we banter about dick pics. We want you (Baby Boomers and older) to work on JOBS and DEBT to start. We’ll help, but you hold a lot of power. Stop with the religious bullcrap too. Atheists are scared of Christians, Christians are scared of atheists: you should all be scared of nuclear meltdowns and war, that’s what we’re scared about. You got to live your whole lives in an amazing U.S.A.; we want to do that too.
Families will be fine. We’ve got that taken care-of. We don’t need more laws about that; love will take care of that. Trust love. Help us get the country back on it’s feet. The world is revolting. Let’s make the U.S. of America strong again. We have to work together. Roy McDonald – the Republican, New York state senator, who just came out in favor of gay marriage – had it right:
“F**k it, I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing.”
F**k it for now. Ok? Jobs, debt, communication. That’s what we want. We’ve already begun, please join us.
- The Millennials
P.S. For the sake of communication, please leave your responses to the Millennials in the comments below.